Breach
by lemondragonfly
Summary: Shepard has never been very good at the 'opening up' thing. At some point, that has to change. After a mission goes wrong, she has a confrontation with Garrus. Set sometime after the events of ME2.


The water was hot. Damn hot. Exactly how she liked it. She'd had to manually mess with EDI's thermal control to get it that way - not as easy a task as you might expect. Twice she had scarred herself on exposed wires and serrated metal. But as it cascaded around her, landing with force on her reddening flesh, it was so worth it. She stood there for an age, eyes closed, enjoying the sensation as her blood rushed to her skin surface and breathing in the warm steam.

As she replayed the events of the last mission in her mind, she almost began to dread leaving. From time to time, the memory flashed through her body in a pulse of anger, tensing her muscles against the near-scalding heat of the shower and stinging her skin. She did her best to push those thoughts away. There would be time for that, but it wasn't now. This was her time. This was the one place on the ship she truly felt alone and fully in control: her haven from the rest of the universe. But eventually, her skin would prune and her eyes would sting, and out she'd go to face it all again. She sighed as she shut off the stream and reached for her towel. Back to the grind.

He was waiting for her when she stepped into the room. He was always waiting for her, she reflected. It hadn't occurred to her before, but she was actually quite annoyed with him for that. Couldn't he knock? She ignored him while she dried herself and changed. If he wasn't prepared to knock, then he'd just have to wait until she was ready to speak to him. She took her time choosing her outfit and drying her short blond hair. For his part, he said nothing, but hovered near the door, watching her. With a backward glance she attempted to read his face, but his jaw was set and his pale eyes gave nothing away. Whatever. He could wait.

When there was not much more she could do in the way of getting ready, she turned to face him. She raised a questioning eyebrow, but didn't speak. She wouldn't give him the ease of asking him why he was here. Let him tell her in his own way. Let him justify himself.

He matched her silence, and she felt the anger rising again. It pulsed through her being and she swallowed the urge to order him out. The look in his eyes was a strange one. There was no anger there, at least, not that she could see. She had never seen him look at her that way before. The silence between them hung heavy in the air. What did he want?

She wanted the confrontation, she realised. She wanted to get it out there. She wanted him to shout, to challenge, to accuse, to do something other than stand there judging her. How could he? How dare he? Why wasn't he saying anything?

She opened her mouth, but before she could find the words she needed, he broke the silence with a sigh. He held out his arm to her, offering a brown paper bag. She didn't move.

"I brought you a sandwich." he said.

That disarmed her. Maybe there would be no fight. Maybe he accepted he was in the wrong. She reached for the bag and regarded its contents. Pickle and egg. Her favourite. She smiled at him. "You know, flowers and chocolates are more traditional."

He shrugged. "This isn't an apology."

"Oh." She closed the paper again, and sat down on the bed. She didn't know what else to say.

Then he was next to her, his hand resting lightly on her back. "I just think that you should eat something." His voice was gentle.

Her anger was still there, but she had no idea what to do with it. He was being so damn reasonable. _Reasonable? Ha!_ That was a joke. How could he come here talking about lunch after what he had done? Undermined her. Humiliated her. She pushed his hand away and stood up, eyes burning. "And that's all? That's all you have to say to me?"

"I don't know what else you expect."

She was incensed. "What I expect? What I expect, Officer Vakarian, is for my orders to be obeyed without question. What I expect is for my crew to do their jobs and not undermine my command."

His gaze met hers, and for the first time she saw the spark of fury there. Somehow, he kept his voice steady. "Is that what you think, Shepard? I was trying to undermine you?"

"You did undermine me."

"I offered you an opinion." his control was slipping now. "Something which, as I recall, you used to be grateful for."

"An opinion I never asked for." She turned her back on him. There was something in the way he was looking at her which made her stomach knot, but she couldn't place the cause. He didn't respond, but remained on the bed. She could feel his eyes on her and it made her want to scream, but she suppressed the urge and tried to bring her tone in line with his. "Thank you for the food, but I'm not hungry."

That was his cue to leave. He did not take it. Instead, he gathered up the paper bag and placed it on the countertop. He was still watching her. What else did he expect her to say? That she had miscalculated? That his 'opinion' had been right? That those colonists might still be alive if she-

No. Those people were dead because of the pirates. It wasn't her fault. Even if they had flanked the first squad like Garrus suggested, they still couldn't have made it to the compound on time.

...probably.

He was still there. Damn him. Why wouldn't he just leave? Why did he insist on making it worse? In standing there, judging her? After all she had done, wasn't she allowed one mistake? She cursed silently as she realised her eyes were brimming with tears. She held them back. That would only add to her humiliation. No one would be allowed to see her cry, but especially him. Never him.

She wanted a drink.

"I'm not good at this." his tone had changed now. Still, he kept his voice soft. "You know I'm not good at this. I just - I'm worried about you. I hate-" He faltered. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

The knot in her stomach tightened. What was that supposed to mean? She tried to force her emotions down and turned to face him. She smiled brightly as if he was making a joke.  
"Jeez, Garrus. I turn down a sandwich and you break up with me? That's a little extreme." She tried a laugh, but it stuck in her throat.

The turian lowered his head, shifting his weight. Shepard felt sick. She made one mistake and he couldn't forgive her? She had forgiven him worse, dammit. Her traitorous eyes were stinging again. Anger was safer. She let herself go. "And what?" she demanded. "Just like that, you stop trusting me? Harbringer, the Reapers, you're going to turn your back on that? On me?"

"I will never turn my back on you!" He matched her anger now, closing the distance between them as he shouted. "Dammit, Shepard. I'm with you to the end, whatever the outcome. How can you ask me that?"

Now he was in front of her, close enough that she could feel the heat and the rage radiating from his body. His mandibles flared slightly as he stared her down, and she sensed his muscles tense. At his full height he stood more than a head taller than her, and she felt as though he was about to grab her and shake her. She wished he would. Silently, she dared him to make the first move; strike the first blow.

Instead, he simply brushed a stray hair from her face, and shook his head.

"I'm here for you, Shepard. Always. But I can't stand back and watch you take on the universe's problems alone. Do you have any idea how hard it is to care about you sometimes? You don't let anyone in. You never talk to me, and dammit, we both know you don't let me get away with pulling the same crap. It's not fair."

"Fair? You're telling me about fair?" How could he say this to her? Did he think she had asked for this? For any of this? She was the one people turned to for help, the person everyone dragged into their problems. But that was her job. It was what she did. It was what they needed her to do.

And now he was leaving. She hadn't even noticed him turn around, but somehow he was at the door and she was watching him leave. For an instant, the universe slowed down. This was not how she had expected this to go at all. In shock, she tried to call out to him to stop, to wait. She didn't want to do this alone. The words lodged in her throat and stayed there. He was actually going to walk out on her. Her anger drained from her leaving only despair in its wake. She was going to lose him. Again.

Once the tears came, she couldn't stop them. Before she even realised what was happening, they were rolling down her cheeks, staining her clothing. She cursed herself for her own weakness, but still they continued to fall. Garrus had stopped in the door way, a stunned look on his face. _Stop it!_ she willed herself. She balled her fists and pressed them to her streaming eyes, but it did no good. How could she have let herself down like this? How could she have let him down? She was pathetic.

And then his strong arms were around her, trapping her in a warm embrace. That was it. She felt her legs give way as she buried her head in his chest and started to sob. A desperate voice in her head begged her to stand up, shrug it off, be the strong one, but her body wouldn't listen. She was convulsing, her entire body was heaving, and she could feel the warm silk of his tunic dampening under her cheeks. There was no fight left in her; she let herself dissolve.

All he did was hold her.

Finally, as quickly as they had started, the tears stopped. Shepard found herself again. They stood there a while longer, and she breathed him in. He smelled good, like earthy cinnamon. He smelled like home. She lifted her face to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry." she whispered.

He smiled at her, and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "I'm not." He pulled her close to him and she ran a soft hand over his scarred face.

"I don't want to lose you again." She kissed him gently, and he pressed his head close to hers. She wouldn't, she told herself. She finally understood. She needed him, and he was here.

**A/N. I do not own any of these characters, they are owned by Bioware. Slight edit to correct a continuity error that was bugging me. This is probably going to stay a oneshot. **


End file.
